Techniques in Relationships
All relationships are subject to periods of harmony and periods of difficulty. Our influence over that harmony or discord is continual…i.e. the effort needed, never stops. If it does, relationships have a tendency to go off on their own accord, and this usually introduces negative effects.
Here are some aspects of your relationship you might want to think about:
Managing stress
Part of the periods when a relationship is experiencing difficulty is when there is an external pressure. It remains important to keep good individual habits in response to stress but also to attempt to coordinate your responses as a couple. This could mean learning how each person deals with pressure or developing shared ways to limit the impact of it. . . i.e. Commit to go for a walk with each other in the evening and have an agreement what’s spoken about. Consider communication in periods of higher stress to help negate the impacts stress brings.
Creating new understandings
Establishing a structure for when you can have a chance to talk to each other. This helps head off potential problems and also creates space to weed out difficulties before they have a chance to take root.
Having space to be more open with each other helps create accurate understanding for each of you. Remember me saying about relationships having a tendency of going off on their own? In couple relationships there is massive potential for guesswork or predictive thinking. . . this type of thinking easily leads to miscommunication or misunderstanding. Having a slot (or slots) to talk will help avoid potential mishaps.
Compromise
This can be a cliché when advise is given on the success of long-term relationships. It can be thought of as just being tolerant of parts of your partner you might not like. Compromise goes deeper than that. . . it is about learning your differences and teaching yourselves DIFFERNCE IS NOT BAD. If you become aware of how your partner is different you begin to have the ability to incorporate that into how you relate to each other. Try to think in terms of ‘styles’ and how these styles work together between the two of you.
Teamworking
Most people are aware of what teamworking means. . . but in relationships (like compromise) it has a deeper meaning. Try to be aware of what your partner is dealing with and initiate support or respond to requests for it. As well as the obvious benefits of helping each other, it promotes connection between the both of you.
Approaching things while incorporating each other’s strengths & weaknesses not only helps organise, but also helps avoid misunderstandings or resentment.
Fun
Often considered trivial….a couple’s ability to have fun. Day-to-day life easily has the power to dominate, and that has the power to take away the reason you’ve chosen to be connected to each other. It’s also part of the ‘clue’ that supports the other areas mentioned in this article. It can inject energy into the efforts you are both making and help towards tolerance when things don’t go quite right.
History
Giving yourselves a chance to reflect on the past. Sharing the good times, you’ve spent together. You might be spending so much time focusing on what you are currently dealing with, you could forget the positive times or experiences from the past. It can also help remind you of the reasons why you’re together.
A couple’s relationship ‘formula’
List what components that feel important to each of you… i.e. What is it about the relationship that makes you most happy or what parts of a relationship is most important. Share these with each other and talk about them.
Appreciation
At the beginning of a relationship there is usually a lot more room for compliments and showing each other you appreciate them. As a relationship begins to feel more ‘comfortable’, our ability to remember to give appreciation can wane. We may believe our partner knows we appreciate them, therefore, what’s the point in saying it?
Try setting a reminder on your phone to remind you to express appreciation to your partner, say for a week or two. Then try to notice how your partner responses to you doing this.
Spending time together or apart
In short, both are important. Spending time together has the benefit of keeping feelings of connection and a sense of shared enjoyment. Spending time apart can help replenish the individual while creating experiences to bring back to the couple setting and enrich it.
It is likely there will be a difference in your approach to this. Negotiating this successfully isn’t easy but is important to achieve the potential mentioned above.
