Being right!

Of course, arguments are the main reason for people seeking help with their relationship, but why do we argue……?

A reason why we argue maybe because we are dealing with our differences.  One partner has a preference about something, while their partner has another.  This can be a difference about ANYTHING. . . how the laundry is done, how we parent, are we savers or spenders. . . anything.  The trickiness about this, in a couple, is these two differences need to operate within the same environment. 

To add another layer to this. . . each partner will likely begin from a point of view that THEIR preference/style is the correct one.  Come on, who’s willing to admit that when they say they think a certain way is best, you are possibly saying “I think we should do it my way, because that’s the way I’m comfortable with”….?

The antidote……

I need to acknowledge here this is easier said than done, but here goes. 

When you feel at a stalemate try, to allow to think of yourself as working towards being 80% happy.  Meaning you’re not going to do/approach something entirely the way you feel comfortable about.  You are going to allow, say, 20% of what your partner is ‘asking’ for or how they are saying they’d like it to be approached.

By allowing yourself to be 80% happy, you create some room for what your partner is saying.  It is usual that, when they notice this, they also are willing to compromise.  The compromise, on both sides, not only creates a better chance of a way forward, it also means you are both ‘mainly’ happy with the outcome.  Stalemate occurs when both partners are attempting to remain 100% comfortable and the ‘stand-off’ this create just helps keep a couple locked in an unproductive cycle.

Many times, I have experienced couples successfully attempting this to their benefit. They are always surprised by giving up a little, they are able to gain an awful lot more.